So here we are again, at yet another beginning. I don’t know how many beginnings I have had in my life. I know there are A LOT, and probably more than the average. Some have been new chapters, like moving house, or new places & adventures, like leaving for university or a new job; some have been starting afresh from the ground up after a not so great situation finally hit the fan…
All I know is that you don’t always have a choice and things are inevitably going to change from one moment to the next. Sometimes you can feel like change is happening to you, usually when we view something negatively, OR you do make a conscious choice to change something in the hope of a better version. Either way, it takes a lot of energy, a dollop of guts, and a good dose of determination to move forward for better or worse.
I read something a while back that stopped and made me ponder numerous changes. The author wrote “some of the best moments are when I’ve left something”. With the inevitability of change, aren’t we always letting go of one thing, which potentially no longer serves us, for something else? Maybe you didn’t choose to lose that job, or relationship for example, but I’ve come to realise that sometimes when we won’t make the decision to move forward, the universe propels us to do it anyway when something is no longer fitting.
BUT, maybe that’s true for me because I’m someone who is always looking for the next step forward. If I look at the biggest positive changes throughout my life, they all involve letting go of something, even if I didn’t feel certain it was a positive thing at the time. Every step we chose has gotten us to where we are now, and if where we are now isn’t feeling quite right perhaps we need to listen a bit harder to what we are really looking for and take the necessary adjustments in hand. The most significant changes are the ones where you listen to your gut and you absolutely know for sure its right even though the consequences may be uncertain. You move through the fear and do it anyway. If I’m honest, I think I have always known my gut knows better and, to be heading in the right direction, I have to learn to go with it. That’s still a work in progress for me, but no decision has ever highlighted this necessary truth more so than one I made several years ago; It changed my life entirely yet I had no expectation that was on the cards. I made the decision to let go of a relationship that had tied me for so many years. My gut had been telling me for the longest time it just wasn’t right, but being someone with a ridiculous amount of tolerance, (and a need to fix!) I persisted, frightened of what life would be like if I was alone. In short, I thought a relationship that made me miserable, and kept me stuck living a half-life, was better than none at all. Until one morning where I found myself at a conference in the states. I was surrounded by super positive people who were “living their dream” and having fun working, and growing in every way. I had a fantastic room in a fab hotel, expansive view, and a huge bed that gave the best few nights sleep I’d had in an age. Looking through the window into the distance one morning, I had a sense of calm and detachment, and I knew it was time to let someone go. I was also certain that I would be more than fine on my own, and I was excited about it. I claimed my freedom. There was no fear about changing what had been ultimately years of stalemate, I was just excited to start living and embrace whatever came. I had to take a leap of faith and trust whatever plan life had for me, but I needed to get out of my own way – out with the old to make space for the new. I finally acknowledged the necessity of change, and as the decision settled, a huge weight left my shoulders.
On my return home, I began to do things that served me, when it worked for me. I enjoyed my work far more, and even bought my first home. Life became enjoyable and I was content with how mine looked.
Several months after the epiphany in America, with subsequent adjustments made and conversations had, I jumped on a plane to Greece to join my friend for a yoga retreat. I had had knee surgery the month before so frankly a yoga retreat seemed utterly ridiculous however, I was looking forward to relaxing completely and having some time with my nearest and dearest. What I actually got from that retreat however, was a whole lot more than I could have ever imagined…
We spent seven days relaxing, doing far less yoga than we had probably paid for, and generally enjoying ourselves with fine food and yes, a more than yogic quantity of great wine. Almost unconsciously however, in the background my mind was ticking over about the guy who had greeted me on my arrival and showed me to my room. I remember half listening as he gave me various instructions about what happened when, and that you don’t flush the paper down the loo because of the plumbing etc, etc. but I was busy thinking, “hang on, how do I know you?” He seemed so familiar but that would've been impossible, right..?
He stayed working at the hotel for most of our time there and I was conscious that every conversation I had with him, felt like I was talking to someone I had known my whole life. We had similar interests, and even shared the same birthday. It was like looking into a mirror. (If I was bearded and over 6 feet tall then it would have been scarily accurate, but this was something else.) Our exchanges were personal and easy and on the surface I dismissed it thinking well, perhaps that’s just how friendly he is with everyone, what a great host. Until the last day came and his shift finished. He came to say goodbye. I found myself feeling confused, almost a slight pang of... i’m not sure what, something, and wondering if I would see him again. He casually told me my friend had his number, because she was a local and repeat visitor, and that he would be in Athens in the Autumn when I planned to visit again. I was sure I had something else to say once he left but I couldn’t put my finger on what. Several days later, back in the UK and full of bounce after my great holiday, I felt compelled to open the lines of communication and texted my friend for his number.
Conversation flowed through the whole summer until I started to feel like I had to go back and find out if this was something or nothing. By the time the Autumn rolled around and I had a window of opportunity to travel, I took it, spurred on by another friend who told me “What have you got to lose, I’ve never seen you like this, just get on the plane!” And so, I took another leap of faith and made the flight. I quickly found myself at another beautiful beginning...
It was some weeks later my Athens based buddy said to me “So who text who first then?” “huh? What do you mean?” I replied. “Well,” she said with a wry grin, you both text me the same morning asking for the others number, so who text who first…?”
Several years later, during a pandemic of all things, I have taken the most literal of Mighty Leaps and re-located to Greece, to live with my other half, where we are slowly building our life together. I’m not saying it’s easy. A new country, new language, new family, changing the way I work; its super tough alongside all the standard “life stuff” to boot. Nevertheless, I would make the same decision a hundred times over. When I think back, the scariest consideration is what would have happened if I hadn’t taken that first leap, and trusted the plan? What If I’d stayed scared of change? I can’t get my head around how that was actually a possibility, but I do know I had to be in the right space, ready to make the decision to change for myself, and embrace the unknown.
The knock-on effect has been huge and changes are now coming thick and fast, and it sure as hell ‘aint easy, but at least I know I’m moving forward in roughly the right direction. Sometimes you do have to make a change, let things go that hold you back, give something old up to make space for something new. Change doesn’t have to be as drastic as emigrating. Some changes are far simpler; a small shift can lead to huge progress in your circumstances, health, personal growth, and more.
Getting from where you are now to where you want to be might feel like a mighty leap, but all changes begin with single step, however big or small. You just have to decide to get on the plane, and see where it takes you.
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